you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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