sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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