Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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