She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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