im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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