I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
