So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
