You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
