quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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