OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
