It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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