there's paper in my vomit.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
