i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Randomize
