You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
