Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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