just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
