it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
