We're facebook friends in real life
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
