Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
