I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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