there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
