Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
