And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
