Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
