i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
