The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
