You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
