I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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