do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
