go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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