Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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