Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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