i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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