there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
