You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
