Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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