Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
