So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
