i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
