She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I still have a little drunk in my system
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
