video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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