I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
