You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
