I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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