you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
