I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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