I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
