Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
