Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
