I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
