You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
