And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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