How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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