Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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