Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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