I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
