sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
