I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
