The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
