I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
They are going to name an STD after you.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
