Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
