I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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