how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
