and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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