I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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