so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize