yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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