so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she smelled like a LAN party
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
