I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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