i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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