STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sorry my hands just texted you
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
